Imagine this. A group of college kids have recently purchased tickets to a highly anticipated concert. They spend the weeks and days leading up to the event chatting about the concert, telling all of their friends about how much fun they will have and maybe posting an occasional facebook status to alert the world of their soon-to-be amazing experience, “Only 6 more hours to the ________ concert tonight! Gonna have a blast with _______, _______, _______!!”
That one is good for thirty plus likes at a minimum.
Moreover, they will make sure to snap pictures from the moment they leave until the curtain closes. Each moment must be documented and then posted on facebook, in order for the world to see how much fun they are having. People will like and comment on the pictures, and the discussion about the concert will last for weeks after the actual event. The anticipation and subsequent virtual re-living of the concert (in person and on facebook) becomes more substantive than the actual experience itself. This concert becomes more of an opportunity to talk about an experience, and maybe boast about the experience, rather than simply enjoy the experience for its own sake, revel in the moment, regardless of who knows or what external benefit it will bring you.
Though somewhat silly, I believe this line of thinking is far too common among my generation. What concerns me most, however, is that I find vestiges of this tragic scenario in my own “concert”. People “ooh” and “ah” about how brave it is to sacrifice the comfort of my home and travel to an unknown place trying to help strangers. I remind myself consistently how much my Chinese will improve, how much my understanding of the people will grow and how much my educational and job prospects will benefit as a result. I look forward to my triumphant return to the USA, having endured hardships and sought the betterment of others and myself for two and half months. I look forward to all of the recognition (comments and likes) my inevitable facebook album “Adventures in China Summer 2013” will receive. And just wait, after this post, the views on my blog might just bump up from 274 to 300. So many good things to come...
I start focusing on the ends rather than the means. My trip will be over before I know it. But that’s what I want, isn’t’ it? Let’s just skip to the part where I start receiving all the benefits of my experience. Granted, some of these benefits are not silly and narcissistic (like a cool facebook album) but very legitimate, like improving my language skills. However, it seems like I am just trying to “get through” the next few months until I reap the rewards of my due diligence.
But wait, is this not one of a few precious summers of freedom before the burdens of the “real world” come bearing down on me? Is this not an unparalleled time of youth? More generally, is this not one of maybe 80 some odd summers that I have on this Earth? Yet, I am simply “getting through”. I appreciate the idea of going to China, and the various benefits it will bring me, more than the actual day to day, hour to hour and minute to minute interactions, sensations and emotions. I cannot keep kicking the can down the road, living for a fake and superficial reality that never seems to include the here and now. Forgive me for sounding too Thoreau-esque, but will I go back to the US touting my “grand experience” without actually experiencing anything at all?
This may be my own problem. But given the things I observe from my contemporaries, I would guess that I am not alone. For now, I am putting my facebook album on hold. I am not adding “English Teacher at Nanning Girls High-School” into my resume just yet. I am not even going to check how many views this post gets. I am going to write its own sake, for the joys of expressing oneself. I am going to have an experience in China, for joys of simply existing here. And that will be all.
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